I am not sure what women who associate with me take me for. I am not even sure what they think I want from them. Do they even know? What if I was to claim that what they think of me is not what I am. Some take me for any other man. I am sure I am not like other men or if I am, they are not my version. What do you do when a lady you treasure, I mean that lady you hold so dear does the least you ever expected of her? 
This relationship was not going to work. I wasn’t pessimistic but determined to make it work anyway.  Actually, you are settling and there she is making you look like a fool and passing a message that, ‘bro, I wish you knew the lady you are dealing with. ‘She is lucky I didn’t realise all this, early enough. Despite me knowing late, was it a genuine reason for the lady to take my generosity and kindness for granted. That when I knelt before her when I was proposing to her, was total rubbish now and that I looked drunk when I was doing it as she claims. She has to leave. No, not the following day. 

Yvonne had been a good lady since we met. We got into a relationship as soon as we met and we were good to go. She looked awesome and she had the basics of beauty to get us going. After all any additions, we would cater for in the future.  Of course I didn’t want a lady who was complete. I wanted to contribute in making her beauty. That’s what sane men want lest the lady start talking about how she came with her everything to your house. That will make you less of a man. Are you ready for that? Yvonne had the qualities of a wife. One of my friends calls them ‘wife potential’ and not necessarily potential wife. What he meant by that, he knows. In campus we say, when a lady does not cook and prefers eating in hotels and cafeterias, she is not a wife material. How legitimate that is, is subject to question and various opinions, but that is a story for the evening as we sip coffee with yours trully.

I have been staying with this beauty from the beginning of this year and been thinking in the near future, we will officially be an item. Meanwhile, we talked at length about it and decided we could stay as ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ as we practice the kind of life we would live thereafter. As a good husband, I made sure there was plenty of food in the house and even for visitors incase they came. Honestly, I didn’t expect any visitors and up to now, I still expect none, not even you reading this. Hahahahaha. You can come. Life was moving as planned. My ‘wife’ used to come to the house in good time to do her wifely duties and then prepare to be therefore for me and take care of my needs in the night. I am a man, so what do you expect of a man with a wife?  One month later, I started noticing something strange with my better half. I known her for some good time and so intensely that any strange behaviour would be noticed. Partly the reason why I had fallen in love with her was because of her black beauty. There’s something that turns me on with dark beautiful ladies. They are amazing. Please get me right. I didn’t say dark ladies. I said, dark and beautiful ladies, so you could be dark but without beauty, mmmmmh we could talk after you have worked on your beauty. 

I dug deep into the whole unusual behaviour of Yvonne. She was secretly grooving with somebody else somewhere. What!!! I hate being cheated on and here is a lady I have trusted with my house doing it right in front of me. How do I handle this one, I mean this particular case? What did I lack? If it was money, I had few coins to keep us going, at least to feed us and clothe us and still have a surplus to buy a few other personal items and also take her out once in a while like a good husband would do.Unfortunately, I didn’t know this guy who was moving with my ‘wife’ at my back. I had to act fast, first because I didn’t want to destroy my cohabitation with this lady of my dreams and also because, honestly, how van a lady cheat on me in my house? To hell with her. The first suspect was our school president. She used to invite him to my house, outside campus whenever I wasn’t around. That day, I was going to catch her live, pants down. 

I faked a trip to Kajiado for some capacity building seminar. So serious was the seminar that I left at dawn after saying bye to Yvonne. I was in my best suit, so definitely she was sure I was gone. Poor Yvonne. Only if she knew I was in school in one of the hostels at my friend, Martin’s cube. I didn’t think it would get to a point where I could suspect this beauty of such gross marital misconduct. How would she do that? At around mid day, I saw my ‘wife’ holding the hands of our school president suggestively. You can be sure I didn’t have a problem when they held hands but that’s up to some level beyond which there must be something going on. That’s the moment I felt cold when it was hot, the midday sun shining fiercely. I wasn’t sure to bump on them right then but on a second thought, what would I claim they were doing. Not enough proof yet. They walked in a trance as they took to the direction of my house.

Secretly following, they got to my house and drew the curtains. Something fishy was happening or was about to happen for that matter. The pain was in the drawing of the curtains, my own curtains, ones I had bought with my money. Hehehe! I was boiling with rage. “How? How? How?”That day, Yvonne was to tell me what that guy had that I lacked, with evidence. At that point, no one was going to stop me. Luckily, there was a hole on the wall of my house that was meant for some tap at my sink. When I was sure, they were settled, I walked to the door and and knocked. No response. “Ni Sid, fungua mlango! “(Open the door, it’s Sid knocking)

The moment I stepped into that house, my house. Yvonne saw the starring actor of Fast and Furious 7 and she had to pack immediately. Actually, I asked her to stay out with her new ‘catch’ as I pack her clothes.

She was leaving my house with only the things she had come with. No second thoughts about her. She had to go, come rain come sunshine. Come dust, come mud, she had to leave. No amount of apologies could change her mind. She cried and cried and cried, nothing changed. I was mad at her. How could I love her that much only to cheat on me when I was almost done with plans to take her home to my parents during the April holiday. I had already introduced her to people in my life who mattered most. What was I going to tell them? That’s not even the issue. I was going to be the laughing stock for the ladies I rejected to have Yvonne, even ladies who I am sure were better than her. 
Life has to continue without her. Back to bachelor life. 

I cook after Yvonne left.


  1. Hahaha… this piece is interesting man. Bachelorhood will take its toll on you this year. I see you’re cooking a confused combination of meals. “Fried milk” with “luhya-sized” ugali

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