This afternoon, as I write this, I am a really sad man. Really sad. However hard I work especially with regard to my social life, there are people who will never appreciate. Even if I am going to sweat blood they would never recognize. With such people, what I do is to leave them to God, my grandmother advised me that way. That people I am not able to fight physically, of course I should not fight in the first place, should be left to God. I have been close to some lady in school for a while now and we have been thinking of moving to the next level after getting convinced we are ready to get into something serious, a relationship. She is a good lady and I would not want to introduce her to any man closer to my looks for fear of losing her to him. I am also not saying I am the best. Actually,  I am because she says I am the most handsome man she has ever seen. The truth about this confession I am not sure but it is either she wants to keep me around or she is obsessed about me. 
This afternoon, I decided to take Emma to the campus mess because my pockets haven’t been good of late. She amazes me about her humility and always reminds me,  “Sid, I love you the way you are and not because of anything you have.”  More often than not I get flattered about this. We walked to the campus mess and in my pockets, I had fifty six shillings. This limited us to what we could take for lunch today and there was no way I was going to ask her what she wanted to take for lunch. Poor Sid. The best meal we could take was rice and beans each. A plate of rice goes for thirteen shillings and beans goes for twelve shillings so at least we were going to take something reasonable. The total cost for this would be fifty shillings with some six bob left which I had planned to buy some cabbage for her, ladies first. For me, “mwanaume ni effort” though I am not really conversant with what the phrase means. 

       We settled at the campus mess after picking our order and were ready to demolish the mlima (mountain) of food. She had decided that we eat from the same plate. 

        Emma has been nagging me to officially get into a relationship with her but I have been skeptical just like I have always been in as far as matters relationships are concerned. The reason has been because of the fear of Smonjero who has also been eyeing this same lady. He is normally mad at me whenever we meet around school. He scares me off because of how muscular he is, having come from the Western part of Kenya who are known for their pika (extreme appetite) for ugali and he is equally blessed with mazgwembe. Though I also have them but mine are in small scale so they could easily pass for mazgwemb without an e to bring a clear difference from what Smonjero has. 
Smonjero also has a voluminous nose, whenever he breathes in, I breathe out less I get suffocated for struggling to breathe in with him at the same time. In a nutshell, there’s no way I could struggle with Smonjero over anything not even Emma the beautiful lady at my disposal. The only keep off about this guy is how primitive he is. Not long ago we had contributed fifty shillings each to bet on the popular Kenyan betting platform, Sportpesa and won 1500 shillings. I had asked him to go and withdraw the cash so that we could share the money. When he got to the Mpesa shop, he asked the lady there, 

           “Nawesatoa pesa sinafika one thousant five hundret?” He asked in his broken Kiswahili influenced by his Luhya accent. 

           “Eeeeh toa tu.” The lady answered. 

       The lady then asked him if his name was Smonjero Wafula after he had withdrawn the money. Smonjero was so shocked at how the lady at the Mpesa had known his name. He was not pretending and insisted on how the lady had known him because they had never met anywhere before. She started laughing at Smonjero.This annoyed my friend and became mad at the lady. It took the intervention of the crowd within the shopping center to calm Smonjero. I quarreled him over what he had done and we have never been friends since then. Getting into a relationship with Emma would worsen the situation and I knew Smonjero would not take it kindly. He claimed Emma was his and anyone who would try to take her away from him, would meet his wrath. One day, I told Emma to approach the guy and tell him she wasn’t interested in him and that she loved me. I know this is called “kujitetea.” If that was the case I was ready to go an extra mile only to have this lady as my own. She messed with the wrong person. Smonjero vowed to deal with her. 

        Back to my lunch. We were not half into the meal when my phone rang. It is a mulika mwizi the


Nokia 1110 model and I have always hidden it. People know me to be sophisticated guy and being spotted with that cheap phone would lower my dignity and so to avoid the shame, I walked out out of the mess to pick the call after excusing myself. On the table was our food and a container, a Royco Mchuzi Mix container that had been used to store salt.

       I took a little long receiving my call and so Emma walked out to check on me. My dad had called and we were arguing about how much he should send me for pocket money. This conversation was not going to end soon so when I saw Emma coming I summarized the conversation and hang up. 
We got back to complete our meal. The mountain of food had reduced so quickly and soon the plate would be  empty. As a gentleman, I told my lady to finish up because honestly it is me who had been eating. I am adapted to eating in one plate at home and my speed was up to date. That has stuck with me until today so next time we eat together from one plate be sure, you can never get satisfied before me. Suddenly, Emma started complaining of stomach ache. It was so intense that she made funny noises and attracted attention. She has been rushed to the hospital a few minutes ago and I am really panicking. 

       I am suspecting Smonjero is involved in this because all along he has been smiling as I was struggling with Emma on my back taking her out of the campus mess. I am going to the police station after this to report. He is not going to get away with this. He has poisoned Emma. I know. I am sure. 


  1. 😂😂😂😂😂😂smonjero is responsible. Don’t confront him or you’ll be next. 😂😂😂this is funny. Ati mazgwemb….with no ‘e’

Leave a Reply