The 2018 Letter that Made Samantha Walk Away

Dear Samantha,

First of all, I appreciate that we got into 2018 with the hope that we were going to take this thing that brought us together to a new level and for sure I would have loved to. Unfortunately, this may not happen because of a few things I experienced with you in 2017 that I would not love to carry with us to this new year. I am not sure what your resolutions for this year are, you didn’t share with me but one thing I know for sure is that if you had planned with me in mind then kindly revisit your year planner for heaven’s sake. The reasons for which this letter is coming at this time you’ll get to know as you read along.

Things were smooth ever since we got along in mid-2017. Was it love at first sight? Honestly, it was lust at first sight. I liked your curves, your killer smile, the dimples, your sexy alluring eyes, culinary skills no doubt and once in a while you went to church. What more would I be looking for or would any normal man look for? Fortunately, I didn’t pursue you for long before you noticed, I don’t know what, that got you attracted to me as well, maybe you tell me before you decide to walk away if you will, you probably should. Before long there we were, hooked up and I moved to a bedsitter from the single room I stayed in. You understand the convenience of our decision.

Please understand that you put so much pressure on me considering that by ‘international standards’ you were a slay queen. Dealing with slay queens has been a challenge not only to my friends here in Kenya but even a few I know of in Uganda, Tanzania, Rwanda and even some in the US. As a result, you know all matters raised here are not anything personal but honest concerns. I have had to take loans for you, from Tala, Branch, M-Shwari, Equity bank, KCB bank and any other financial institution we could afford just so that I made sure I sustained the standard of life that you walked into my life with.

As I write this, the loaners are on my neck and any time from now, everything I have may be auctioned. 99% of all the loans was spent on you and I am sure you are not even thinking of thinking to repay the loans. That should make sense to you. You put it on me that if I didn’t buy a television set, carpet, home theatre music system, fridge, oven and a set of dining table and chairs, I was not worth having you. With that and the fear of losing you, Samantha, I did everything in my means to ensure all this, I bought for ‘us’. Sometimes, my friends had to loan me to be able to meet some of these demands.

You didn’t appreciate the effort I put into furnishing our bedsitter. Instead, you acted like it was your right to be a beneficiary of all that I owned. When I walk around, I have to be very keen to avoid some of my best friends because of having not honored the promise of paying back the debts I owe them. This has in turn ruined my relationships with them and there you are walking around ‘slaying’, whatever that means. At this point, do you still feel me? Do you realize these are very sincere concerns? You really should. If you don’t, is there need to continue reading this letter? Yes, continue reading maybe in the subsequent lines you would get convicted.

Remember, sometimes I had to lie because of you wanting to follow me everywhere. Didn’t you realize I also needed some space to do my stuff and join the rest of my boys and talk men stuff! I always wanted space to do other things away from this relationship thing and mark you, we were not married yet and our being together was purely for convenience. To extreme levels, I had to stay in my friends’ houses in the pretence that I had gone home just to take my breath, away from staying with you. Do you realize, since we came together, if I walked a distance of seven thousand kilometers, you walked the same distance or even more because you followed me everywhere? Who does that in this century and age! Sometimes I wonder, even with my phone off, you were still right behind me everywhere I went.

You made me even think that if we lived in the days of Adam and Eve, I would ask God to get me another woman and make you a serpent. You were just a pain in the neck or in the **s for that matter. (Forgive my manners). My plan was that if you became wife material enough, I would take you to my parents but what I saw of you, aih, I wouldn’t even want to take you to the sister of the uncle to the grandmother of my sister’s husband. Get the point in that statement. By the way, do you even plan to ever get married? If yes, then I wish your future husband gets to read this. If he still marries you, then, you would be the husband in your house and probably staying with you in your maternal home.

As I finish, I don’t know if you still have ‘feelings’ for me like you claimed to. This year, my plan is to service the loans I took for you, I don’t know how. Maybe, I am going to be forced to roll up my sleeves and slavishly get back to ‘mjengo’. This has got me thinking about what will become of the skinny me in a few months. You are going to receive this letter while you are at home knowing well you will be coming to school in mid-February when we start sitting for our Continuous Assessment Tests.

Please don’t come to ‘our’ supposed house. It is my house.I repeat, for purposes of emphasis, it is my house. If you left anything here, you’ll get them at the Dean of Students’ office as a parcel to you. I have neatly packed all your belongings and addressed it to you giving you no reason to come to my house. This letter will not be complete without thanking you for making me move out of the school hostels. If we had not met, probably I would still be living in the school hostels. There was some fun in staying there. This should not sound like you were a blessing in disguise, not at all, you were a CURSE.

What you are going to decide after reading this letter, you know better. Kindly and please, those are the words I can use for lack of better ones, you should not by any means, for any reason whatsoever, think of coming back to my house because the moment I set eyes on you within the reach of my house, the thunder that will strike you is still in consultation with the no-nonsense Tanzanian president, Bwana John Pombe Magufuli. Bye and take care. See you at your wedding.

Your Ex,


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